u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
