I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
