There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
