Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
