we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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