I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
