So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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