so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
