You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
