I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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