Pappa wants mamma naked
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
