i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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