so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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