I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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