Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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