I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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