i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
