weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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