Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize