We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
