I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can't turn off my feet"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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