no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
