I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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