Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
