I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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