I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
