I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
