I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize