Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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