I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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