I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize