Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
bring money and cleavage
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
