So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
