Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
