Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize