this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
