are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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