...so i touched it.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
