So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
