people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
