My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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