I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
