Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
