Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
