I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
