a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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