puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
