How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
