i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize