hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
