WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
