I'm going to jail i love you
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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