I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
