I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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