I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just high enough for therapy.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
