Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
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