You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
