Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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