If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
