if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
