Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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