my phone needs a breathalizer
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
