did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize