goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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