I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
