I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
