We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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