I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
