found the other keg... it's in the tree
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
