life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
