I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
